Thursday, May 21, 2009

Hearing From God

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!

Today I heard the Lord speak through Dr. Charles Stanley about what I have been struggling with for some time. I am not a supernatural person, but I worship a supernatural God who knows my thoughts before I think them. He knew I needed to hear Grandpa Stanley's (both my grandfathers are dead so I adopted Dr. Charles Stanley) message and his words caught my attention of God speaking directly to my heart. Phenomial how the Holy Spirit works. As of right now I find myself wanting to hear the message again because I want God to be specific in what He wants in my heart, basically, I am in the right place, but I have the wrong attitude. God wants to do something through me for the purpose of serving Him, but all I see is what I see with my eyes--the wrongs of those taking advantage of me. I cannot get over this wall of what I see so I can serve God in the right attitude here at home. Unfortunately, I hate conflict, especially inside myself because I don't think I should do such and such in order to serve God. My trouble is, "I do this and I do that and why should I do more? I cannot do everything so if I don't want to do this, I'm not." God is trying to take me to that next step and all I can say is, "That is not satisfactory so I'm not going to do it." And then there is a side of me that says, "I want to do exactly what You want God, but how far do I go? To what extent? Death? To where I cannot go anymore? I cannot do it!"

Lord God Almighty,
Truly in my heart I want to serve You (and You hear that "but" in there.) I know I let my eyes and my emotions prevent me from developing the right attitude toward what You will have me do. I want to stop saying, "That is not satisfactory or I don't deserve this." All I want to say is, "Yes, Lord, no matter what You place in front of me; Like it or not."
This is painful, Lord.
This is something else You want me to let go and give to You--my attitude, my whole attitude, and nothing but my attitude. Is this not something I have controlled and developed through the years? You know this will have to be a daily practice of giving over my attitude everyday, every moment, every breath I take. I have to commit my attitude over to You if I want the best of what You can do through me. I am going to do it, but You know I will need to rely on You to take me through this.
I'm scared, so I look to You to work through me and I must leave all the circumstances up to You. I deserve nothing, but Christ makes me deserving of Your best for me. My status is in You. Take my attitude and make it Your own. Help me in Jesus' name, Amen.