4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
Have you ever had someone finish a thought or a sentence for you because they have heard it or know you so well they know what you will say before you say it? This can be good and bad according to the situation and the audience. What if that person could repeat you so well that when you want to say something entirely different, they say what you would normally say--you know, like a child who innocently repeats your words. Really embarrassing!
Unfortunately, I still live with the fact I have said words out of anger that has inhibited my marriage and relationship with my sons which I regret today. These words have taken their toll taking time and prayer to heal in their lives. I was not living as I should during those times, but now the Lord is working in healing us. It is a slow process. So often I have wanted to give up, but the Lord has sustained me and given me the strength to keep going.
I have often wondered why God allowed me to say these evil things from my heart that has wounded them so deeply. I guess He needed me to see just how evil my heart can be so that I would want to change my heart. It's not like He did not warn me or tried to help me; I guess He had to allow me because I was resisting Him impatient with the craziness going on in our lives. I had to see that although God was the center of my life, I was not living dependent on Him. It's pretty messed up. It's a pit you don't want to work your way out.
First Corinthians 13 says:
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails.
Why I did not trust in these words entraps my heart with guilt and conviction. I cannot take back my words, but I can allow the Lord to change my heart now that I am willing to trust in what He says. The home-life isn't as crazy, but I have lost much.
Lord Heavenly Father,
How I thank You for being there for all those times and did not give up on the situation. You were not always allowed to come in and intervene, but You were there in the mist of it all anyway. What has happened cannot be taken back, but the future has hope because of You. I commit myself to continue to allow You to build up in me who You want me to be and not what I think I should be. Like You did with Ruth, build me in like character so the healing in the lives of my men will direct them to You, in Jesus' precious name, Amen.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Godly Violation-Part 3
3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
As creatures of habit, we do not always think about being followed by strangers or anyone else for that matter. For instance, I hate having to stop at a bunch of stop signs in order to move on to my destination. From my house to the main street or highway, I will turn the wrong direction or take a few streets up to avoid any extra stop signs. I developed this while working as a Volunteer First Responder in my town so to save time. I learned which streets had the most stop signs and which ones had the least just for that reason. I may not be volunteering for now, but I still resist those extra stop signs. If the local town Marshall wanted to learn my ways (and most likely he already has if I know him), it would not take long for him to learn. Fortunately, I don't give the police reason to learn them.
Knowing this, I have to pay attention to my habits and which ones needs to be rid of and which ones need to be improved or practiced more often. Paying attention to my own bad habits is not especially a strong suit with me, so in order to make this a strong suit, I have to evaluate them. It will suck big time, but it must happen if I want good habits in place of bad. All change must start with the Lord and where He takes me.
Lord God, Heavenly Father,
You created me with every good that is in You, but I allowed bad habits to come into this life You gave me. I commit myself to allow You to lead me in the changes and habits to be practiced according to Your purpose. Thank You for alluding me to writing for You are using it to lead me, convict me, and guide me into Your character for me. I do not want to turn back, in Jesus' name and for His sake, Amen.
As creatures of habit, we do not always think about being followed by strangers or anyone else for that matter. For instance, I hate having to stop at a bunch of stop signs in order to move on to my destination. From my house to the main street or highway, I will turn the wrong direction or take a few streets up to avoid any extra stop signs. I developed this while working as a Volunteer First Responder in my town so to save time. I learned which streets had the most stop signs and which ones had the least just for that reason. I may not be volunteering for now, but I still resist those extra stop signs. If the local town Marshall wanted to learn my ways (and most likely he already has if I know him), it would not take long for him to learn. Fortunately, I don't give the police reason to learn them.
Knowing this, I have to pay attention to my habits and which ones needs to be rid of and which ones need to be improved or practiced more often. Paying attention to my own bad habits is not especially a strong suit with me, so in order to make this a strong suit, I have to evaluate them. It will suck big time, but it must happen if I want good habits in place of bad. All change must start with the Lord and where He takes me.
Lord God, Heavenly Father,
You created me with every good that is in You, but I allowed bad habits to come into this life You gave me. I commit myself to allow You to lead me in the changes and habits to be practiced according to Your purpose. Thank You for alluding me to writing for You are using it to lead me, convict me, and guide me into Your character for me. I do not want to turn back, in Jesus' name and for His sake, Amen.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Godly Violation-Part 2
2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
Have you ever felt like someone was watching you? Kind of gives you a weird feeling all over. You have seen those shows and movies where there is someone watching every move a person makes. This is unlike the "Big Brother" thing where the government or your boss watches to make sure you are not doing anything wrong, but someone watching you for their own pleasure or their own protection. Privacy in today's world is becoming a thing of the past to the point no one will be trusted even when you prove yourself trustworthy. It sucks.
Now think about God who is omnipresent. HE SEES ALL! He takes one more step in this ability: HE KNOWS OUR THOUGHTS! There is nothing we can hide from God He cannot see or know. Scary, huh!
Now for the sake of argument, let's say there is no God. Then we have to agree there is always someone watching us. Fair statement? What do they see in our actions everyday? This is how they judge who we are. Do we really think in the course of our doing wrong no one is watching? What did I say about "Big Brother" and the boss? We may get away with it for a period of time, but eventually, we get caught. But imagine if they could perceive our thoughts. Real Scary!
Now let's turn this the right way for those who believe in an omni- present God. What better person to see and know us this intimately? If we love Him because He first loved us, most of all, He created us; how much more should we love Him enough to depend on Him all we can muster that is good within us?
Lord God Creator,
You do know my every move and my every thought and I cannot thank you enough for loving me anyway. You are the only good in me through Your Holy Spirit who lives in me. I am His temple, yet I am not worthy to contain Him in this my evil heart. However, if He did not live there, how wicked would I be. I don't even want to go there! I shudder at the thought! Thank you for the creative good given me that I may use it to Your glory and pleasure, but most of all, discipline my every move and my every thought knowing You are watching. I want my attitude turned in gratitude, in Jesus' name, Amen.
Have you ever felt like someone was watching you? Kind of gives you a weird feeling all over. You have seen those shows and movies where there is someone watching every move a person makes. This is unlike the "Big Brother" thing where the government or your boss watches to make sure you are not doing anything wrong, but someone watching you for their own pleasure or their own protection. Privacy in today's world is becoming a thing of the past to the point no one will be trusted even when you prove yourself trustworthy. It sucks.
Now think about God who is omnipresent. HE SEES ALL! He takes one more step in this ability: HE KNOWS OUR THOUGHTS! There is nothing we can hide from God He cannot see or know. Scary, huh!
Now for the sake of argument, let's say there is no God. Then we have to agree there is always someone watching us. Fair statement? What do they see in our actions everyday? This is how they judge who we are. Do we really think in the course of our doing wrong no one is watching? What did I say about "Big Brother" and the boss? We may get away with it for a period of time, but eventually, we get caught. But imagine if they could perceive our thoughts. Real Scary!
Now let's turn this the right way for those who believe in an omni- present God. What better person to see and know us this intimately? If we love Him because He first loved us, most of all, He created us; how much more should we love Him enough to depend on Him all we can muster that is good within us?
Lord God Creator,
You do know my every move and my every thought and I cannot thank you enough for loving me anyway. You are the only good in me through Your Holy Spirit who lives in me. I am His temple, yet I am not worthy to contain Him in this my evil heart. However, if He did not live there, how wicked would I be. I don't even want to go there! I shudder at the thought! Thank you for the creative good given me that I may use it to Your glory and pleasure, but most of all, discipline my every move and my every thought knowing You are watching. I want my attitude turned in gratitude, in Jesus' name, Amen.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Godly Violation
1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
I cannot imagine how a person feels after been searched either of their property or their person. What a violation of one's own self-esteem! Yet there will be times when the discomfort becomes a reality within all our lives.
Consider who we allow to see our very best and the worse of ourselves. The spouse or significant other, our children, our best friend, co-workers; far worse and when we are not looking, all those people we encounter outside our four walls. Our actions inside and outside our homes tells people allot about what we do not want to bring out. Admittedly, we try very hard to hide those shameful things, but unfortunately, these things reveal themselves when we are not conscious of our actions.
Let's take this further: If you are a believer in God for who He really is, Creator of our very selves, imagine what He sees and knows way before we act, especially those actions we try to hide. Then consider this! He still loves us! He sent His blameless, sinless, most powerful child, Jesus Christ to die on the cross for those very shameful actions. That makes me feel better, but it sure hate knowing I am still capable of a sin-choice which my Creator already knows about and sees.
Oh Lord, my Creator,
I can self search and take the Lord's Supper in remembrance of You all I want to, but in the everyday life, I run in and out of my days not always thinking about what I am looking like to Your presence. At least I know that when you search me, You are searching the deepest parts of me and that I can take comfort that You know me so well, none of what You find surprises You. As You deal with the very heart of me and my iniquities, make me hurt when I am about to make sin-choices so I may make that choice not to sin. Use this tactic for even those subconscious, embedded things I do not want to reveal, but reveal themselves in me. I want to be more like Your Son, Jesus. Looks like I will be hurting everyday! In Jesus' name, Amen.
I cannot imagine how a person feels after been searched either of their property or their person. What a violation of one's own self-esteem! Yet there will be times when the discomfort becomes a reality within all our lives.
Consider who we allow to see our very best and the worse of ourselves. The spouse or significant other, our children, our best friend, co-workers; far worse and when we are not looking, all those people we encounter outside our four walls. Our actions inside and outside our homes tells people allot about what we do not want to bring out. Admittedly, we try very hard to hide those shameful things, but unfortunately, these things reveal themselves when we are not conscious of our actions.
Let's take this further: If you are a believer in God for who He really is, Creator of our very selves, imagine what He sees and knows way before we act, especially those actions we try to hide. Then consider this! He still loves us! He sent His blameless, sinless, most powerful child, Jesus Christ to die on the cross for those very shameful actions. That makes me feel better, but it sure hate knowing I am still capable of a sin-choice which my Creator already knows about and sees.
Oh Lord, my Creator,
I can self search and take the Lord's Supper in remembrance of You all I want to, but in the everyday life, I run in and out of my days not always thinking about what I am looking like to Your presence. At least I know that when you search me, You are searching the deepest parts of me and that I can take comfort that You know me so well, none of what You find surprises You. As You deal with the very heart of me and my iniquities, make me hurt when I am about to make sin-choices so I may make that choice not to sin. Use this tactic for even those subconscious, embedded things I do not want to reveal, but reveal themselves in me. I want to be more like Your Son, Jesus. Looks like I will be hurting everyday! In Jesus' name, Amen.
Psalm 139 says
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
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